My New Years Resolution????

Oh my.... a post without pictures!!!!!!

I have decided to change a lot about myself and my life. I titled this "My New Years Resolution????" for a few reasons. First, the question marks are there because these are all things I have been trying to do but have either failed or have been able to do, for any number of reasons. So I wouldn't really call them resolutions. They were formed in my mind a long time ago. I think I'm just calling it that for lack of a better word. Also, because I'm posting this within the new year limits.

I had the worst day today. Just plain shitty, and it got me thinking... since when did I deserve this? I mean, not to sound too cocky or... bitchy... but I'm a good person! I have always done for others, thought of others, and gone out of my way to help others... with nothing in return. I get walked all over all the time, and the universe has jacked off on my life 12 too many times. I'm done with it. It's wearing me out. I decided... like an hour ago... to make a change. I'm going to do good stuff for me more often. I'm going to make my life better. How?


1. NO Sugar...
Well, that's a lie. I just mean no sweets. No sodas or sweet teas. No ice cream or cupcakes or cakes. No candy or chocolate (which, let me say, is hard for any girl). I have come to get to comfortable with them since I moved home from college. My mother is a M&M freak, and there is always something sweet in the house. So, it just has to stop. Now I still have my fruits, and you will have to beat my cold dead body with a flaming rod to get my applesauce away from me. (I like it on pizza) I think after I get over the shock of losing sugary yummies I'll try salt or grease next. But let's not get in too deep here. I don't eat horrible, but I learned how to mix the good with the bad in such a way that it maintains my weight. So, I'm going to start altering it a little bit to lose some weight.

2. More videos and art work!
I feel like my brain is wasting away in this house. I use to work non-stop so I didn't have time for videos and art. But I want to make more. I want to walk around and film random things. Maybe even photograph random things. Make weird and crazy videos with the things I shoot. I also have to work on story-boarding my "films-in-progress" and getting more ideas for those. I have to start drawing again, and I want to learn how to draw trees. (Don't know why) I have to up my creativity so I don't lose any of it.

3. More exercise!
I found these really good videos on youtube. All about yoga for beginners. I use to do yoga in college, but I fell out of it. I just did some before writing this post, and boy did it kick my ass. I did get 30 mins in though, which is a start. I forgot how much better I felt after doing it. My plan is to do it every day. I'll start with 30 min sessions, an hour total a day, and increase it to 2 hours within the next month. I also found a yoga mat in my closet today! (Which is what started this whole thing.) I'm pretty sure I got it as a gift before moving to college, and just forgot about it. But, it's pink and has cute little flowers on it. I just put it to good use. Warning: it's really hard to do Warrior #2 with your cat trying to sleep on your mat. I'm also doing the arm circles, some belly dancing, and maybe some walking. I really want to bike, but I no longer have one. (Sad face! I love love LOVE riding bikes.)

Side note:
I talk a lot about things relating to losing weight, so I have to clarify. With the body frame I naturally have, and the size boobs I have (true facts) I will never look good in a single digit pant size. I'm only hitting for low to medium two digits, which I think is a beautiful and healthy weight for me. I use to be a smaller size in high school, and I loved my body at that size. So, I want that back.

4. Stop biting my nails
This is a mix of two issues. First, it's a nervous habit. I bite them when I get extremely nervous or upset. I normally don't know I'm doing it. But I can go days or weeks without biting them, and then BAM! Second, I don't really like long nails. I have a kind of nail phobia, meaning I hate any pain or horror movie scene or accident... whatever... involving the mutilation of nails. So if mine ever get too long I just get rid of them. But all this will change this year. I don't want them to go above the finger line, but I want them to be long enough to paint designs on... like Pokemon balls! Haha. (No, for reals. I want that.)

5. Update my wardrobe.
I know, right! Me.. a bad wardrobe? Well, not a bad one. I do have some great pieces that any girl would love to have. Great handbags. Cute vintage T-shirts. A giant collection of adorable boy-shorts and Victoria Secrets.... secrets. Ha. I have some cute summer dresses, Uggs that are to die for... but I lack a lot of other things. I have no cute "going out" clothes. I lost all my good jeans. I don't have cute flats and every day heels. I don't really have an professional clothes. (I say really, because I have some... but not enough.) I don't have cute jackets. I need these things! Any girl can agree, having the right clothes for the right occasion gives you the right attitude. So, I must work on these.

6. I don't know if this can count, but I started taking super care of the pant in my bathroom. I talk to it and water it everyday. Is that weird? It looks healthier... really....

7. JOB!
I need a good job. Desperately. Beyond that! I'm ready to just become a ninja assassin and be done with it. No.. but really, I am applying for anything I can find. Even stuff outside my state. True, I don't have a car, or money saved, or anything for that matter. But I have to get my ass going. I'm talking to some people, and visiting 10 websites a day. (I spend 2 hours a day applying for jobs, no matter what.) I have to find something, because it SUCKS depending on your parents at this age.

I think that's everything on my mind tonight. I posted this here mostly to help remind myself of the mood I was in tonight. I think I have the most motivation the more crappy my mood is. My cat is now interrupting me with demands to pet and cuddle him. I must retire.